Does the same thing always upset you? . . .

There's a reason why certain things upset us. Certain things upset us because we have a set of rules that we govern our life by. If those rules are broken, that upsets us.

What are our rules? Well, unless we tell someone else, no one else really knows what our rules are that need to be followed -- in our relationships at work, at home, or with our friends.

Rules are the controlling factor about which things give us pain or give us pleasure -- which things upset us or don't upset us. We might not think of them as rules, but they are, and it's important to set up these rules consciously. Because if we don't set them up and know them consciously, we'll find ourselves reacting all the time -- not taking action.

Think about the times you've been upset with another person. It was a *rules* upset, wasn't it? Meaning *your* rules about how someone should do something were upset.

We all have rules. If you don't know them, you should take some time to figure them out. Learn what they are. Are they empowering or disempowering? If your rules are disempowering - change them.

Why? Because most of the time our rules create stress.

How do you know your rules? Ask these questions:

What must happen before I feel successful? What must happen before I feel loved? What must happen before I feel confident? What must happen before I feel excellent at something?

You'll find the answer by filling in the blanks. *Any time _______ happens, I feel sad. (upset, mad, happy, depressed, etc.).*

*Any time _______ happens, I feel successful.*
*Any time _______ happens, I feel loved.*
*Any time _______ happens, I feel confident.*
*Any time _______ happens, I feel excellent at what I'm doing.*

Examples of rules:

*Any time I have money in my pocket, I feel successful.* This isn't real empowering if you are broke. How about changing it to be *Any time I smile, I feel successful.* That puts YOU more in control.

*If someone cracks their knuckles, it makes me mad.* This isn't real empowering. How about changing it to something like *If someone cracks their knuckles, it makes me chuckle.*

Look at the answers and ask yourself if they are empowering. If they aren't, change them.

Ask your friends, family -- especially your children -- what their rules are. You'll have smoother relationships, once you all know the *rules*. I'm betting you'll be surprised.

Thanks for reading,